This past week, I began reading a self-help book called Facing Codependence, which was written by Pia Mellody. I was driven to read this book after searching online for books about codependence (or codependency) and this one popped up. I read its reviews and was sold.
At this moment, I am part of the way through chapter 2, a chapter which is quite long but quite fascinating. There is such a large amount of information in this chapter that I cannot possibly remember all of it, but please let me chat for a minute about what has struck me the most so far.
Everyone, for example, needs boundaries. Mellody writes that the boundaries of people who have dysfunctional ones fall into one of several categories: nonexistent boundaries, damaged boundaries, walls instead of boundaries, and moving back and forth between walls and no boundaries. As I read about people in each of these categories, I was able to recall people in my life who fit into each one. I was also able to figure out which of these categories my own boundaries fell into, and it didn’t take me long to do so. Mellody’s descriptions of people with these problems were vivid and spot-on.
Mellody also describes well the difference between what she refers to as “self-esteem” versus “other-esteem”–and right away I could tell which kind of “esteem” I had. Self-esteem, according to the author, is knowing that one is “valuable and precious” even when one is rejected, scolded, put down, or when one makes a mistake. Other-esteem is based on outward things: what kind of car one drives, what job one has, how one looks, and such. (Guess which kind of esteem most of the people in my life have?)
Now, I should warn you that I am only on page 37 of this book. I have a good feeling about it so far, however (with the exception of that fact that Mellody refers to God as “Higher Power”–not my own personal faith belief).
And so my journey through this book continues…